


Beauty

by lavillanelle



Series: Stardust [1]
Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood Kink, Dark Character, Dark Julian, Dark Julian Blackthorn, F/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Book 2: Lord of Shadows, This is the first part of a small series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 00:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15875200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavillanelle/pseuds/lavillanelle
Summary: Julian Blackthorn was not himself. He hadn’t been himself for a long, long time. Though he couldn’t remember the exact moment the change had first crept its way into his bones, splitting his frail soul in half, he knew the reason behind that new-found darkness preying on his heart. Jules had been swallowed whole by the shadows. No more. Never more. Now there was only Julian: unknowable, unreachable, lonesome. And like the shadows, he too was elusive and terrifying.This was his becoming.Beautiful in its uniqueness. Terrible in its ruthlessness.This is the first part of an AU about what would happen if Julian caved to his darkest urges and let the parabatai curse transform him into something other than human.





	Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Act I of this short on-going series about Dark!Julian.  
> The title for the series and for each chapter were taken from the song 'Stardust' by IAMX.  
> Feel free to send me asks on tumblr (@vlctorvale) and enjoy!

**Act I**

**Beauty**

* * *

_"But he who dares not grasp the thorn_  
_Should never crave the rose.”_

**– Anne Brontë**

* * *

 

Julian Blackthorn was not himself. He hadn’t been himself for a long, long time. Though he couldn’t remember the exact moment the change had first crept its way into his bones, splitting his frail soul in half, he knew the reason behind that new-found darkness preying on his heart. Jules had been swallowed whole by the shadows. No more. Never more. Now there was only Julian: unknowable, unreachable, lonesome. And like the shadows, he too was elusive and terrifying.

This was his becoming.

Beautiful in its uniqueness. Terrible in its ruthlessness.

Blackthorn eyes - blue and green and every color in between -, gazed below, towards long, calloused fingers. These hands belonged to a warrior, a soldier, a killer. Hard and rough, they had not been made to offer comfort nor affection. But to hold blades built of angelic fire and to mark the skin of his brothers and sisters with sacred symbols.

Hands that now trailed a dangerous path across an unending expense of exposed skin, not to bless but to curse. Golden and smooth, glowing like honey under the moonlight Julian could feel her body trembling beneath his fingertips, beautiful and wanton. He could hear her breath, soft and little, escaping between parted lips. His gaze fell to the never-ending darkness of her eyes and he could feel himself falling into the abyss.

The night sky hovered above their heads, a curtain of stars crowned their heads with their white, iridescent glow. Julian inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a brief moment. He could smell the sea, electricity in the air, a garden of wild flowers, and _Emma._

She was everywhere. She was everything. She was the sun and the moon, the light of a thousand dying stars and waves crashing on a bed of stones, she was spring personified.

Eyelashes fluttered hesitantly and Julian opened his eyes. He swallowed thickly, mouth suddenly dry. Emma was laid in his arms, naked and bloodless again and his. Julian had never seen an angel before but he wondered if they were all like Emma: otherworldly beautiful and equally deadly. He could sense his heart growing inside his chest, beating out of rhythm against his ribcage. Shards of bone cut through flesh and spilled blood. He could almost taste the metallic flavor dancing against his tongue, the pain was overwhelming.

Julian let out a small whimper, low and wounded. He felt like a caged animal, entrapped by his own traitorous heart. Both betrayed and betrayer.

“Julian.”

The sound of her voice caused something sharp to pierce through Julian’s chest. Across Shadowhunter armor, across skin, across muscle and bone until it found his aching heart.

“Julian,” Emma echoed, dark eyes searching a bottomless ocean. She found nothing. “Julian, what’s wrong?”

Julian parted his lips with the tip of his tongue and smiled. A violent shiver cursed through his shoulders and Emma watched in a mixture of confusion and horror as the smile metamorphosed into laughter. The sound, loud and clear, was devoid of any real emotion. Shallow, a spectrum of the laughter Emma had heard escaping from those lips countless times before.

“What’s _wrong?_ You want to know what’s wrong, Emma?” Julian spoke at last, once the hysteria subsided. He pinched the bridge of his nose between two of his fingers and let out a heavy sigh. “Everything is falling apart. My sister was killed by one of my lunatic ancestors, the Clave will most likely send the rest of my family away once they discover I’ve been the one running the Institute this whole time and to make matters worse I’m madly and irrevocably in love with my _parabatai.”_

Emma listened quietly but couldn’t find her voice to grant Julian with a satisfactory answer. Though she did feel a chill against her skin. Her body responded to the proximity of him, the anger and warmth that radiated from Julian as the words left his mouth.

Julian could smell the change in the air surrounding them, heavier somehow. He could feel the pulse of his heart, the blood reaching his ears in a steady _staccato._ He pressed his lips together at the coppery taste swimming against his tongue. Julian didn’t move, remaining where he was, splayed naked and vulnerable. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear the echo of a promise. A promise he had broken tonight. A promise he would like to break every day for the remaining days of his inevitably short Shadowhunter life.

Emma wrapped heavy arms around Julian’s neck, settling her weight against him. She buried her face in his chest, where the shoulder met the clavicle, and let out a long sigh. Julian inhaled sharply. He could feel her everywhere; her warm breath against his exposed skin, her weight pressed against his ribs, her scent filling his lungs. Slowly, he let his arms settle behind her back, enveloping her body in a cocoon made of flesh and scars.

Their hearts beat against the other’s chest, their bodies fit carefully in the curves of hips and legs, their skin sewn from the same tissue, their souls carved from the dust of the death of the same star.

The pause turned into silence. The sounds filling the space between them did not belong to their voices, whispered oaths and shallow promises suddenly forgotten. Fleeting kisses, soft and small, trailed Julian’s jaw. Each touch of lips, each encounter of skin against skin, elicited a sigh of contentment from him. Julian felt his body move before he’d made a conscious decision. Drowning in a black sea, suffocating in water as viscous and as dark as demon ichor, floating closer, closer, closer to the only light known amongst endless shadows.

Emma kissed his neck with tender adoration; slowly, unhurried. Here they were not pursued, here they were protected from prying eyes by curtains of thick vines and thorny branches. Laying on a mattress made of grass, turned emerald green when touched by the silvery glow of the moon, they were free. Free from their own fears, free from the scrutiny of other Shadowhunters, free to touch and to kiss and to love.

Julian hips tilted in a small movement, turning slightly to the side and meeting the hollow curve where Emma’s hipbone met her thigh. A sharp breath left Emma’s parted lips, her spine curving and muscles tensing with the sudden change of position, craving for the warmth of the boy lying beside her. _More,_ she whispered softly, teeth grazing his earlobe. _More, more, more._

Julian let his hands wander through Emma’s hair, following an invisible path down her neck and back; nails digging deep in what once was flawless skin, now painted raw with red scratches. Julian was reminded of the feel of a brush against a canvas, the explosion of color behind his eyelids, the exhilarating feeling of creating something beautiful. Emma shivered under his touch, growling in response.

Julian whispered her name, tongue drawing the syllables reverently; not a name, but a prayer. Their bodies moved together, burning heavy and slowly. Liquid flames licked their veins, pulsing with some twisted version of angelic fire: ruthless, capable of eviscerating entire cities with its volcanic power.

Emma continued to draw invisible patterns with warm lips, tasting Julian’s blood pulsing harder and faster with each movement of her tongue. Julian licked his lips, mouth suddenly dry. He continued to run his fingers down Emma’s back, tugging the loose golden strands of her hair along the way. Ocean blue eyes remained mostly closed as he felt labored breaths against the nape of his neck, sinful words cascading from rose tinted lips, meeting his ears in the form of a bittersweet symphony.

Another kiss, a brush of fingers, a face hiding against the crook of a neck, breathing turning shallow. Sharp teeth scraped bone, softly at first, but with increasing pressure as the animal impulse took over sense and reason. Breaking skin and capillaries, the metallic tang of blood hit sensitive palate in one hard, single wave. A painful scream. A thrashing of limbs. Heart beating faster, like a caged bird struggling to break free from its shackles.

Julian ducked his head to nuzzle Emma’s neck, chin brushing softly against the destruction his teeth had laid upon her clavicle: skin cut open, dark blood pouring from it, sliding down, down, down until it pooled in her bellybutton. A red, sinuous line had been drawn between her breasts and across her stomach. Julian spread his hands against her hips, following the map he had carved on her body with lips and teeth, sucking multicolored bruises against sun kissed skin. Emma’s entire body seemed to convulse beneath Julian’s touch.

He smiled, teeth shining blood red under the moonlight. He couldn’t remember ever feeling more alive than how he felt at that moment, holding Emma in his arms and tasting her blood on his tongue. He felt like he could breathe again, at last. Emma watched him through heavy eyelids, biting her bottom lip and sighing with a soft moan. The sound was a flash of lightening cursing through Julian’s bones, illuminating him from inside. Pale, white skin shone bright under the stars; brown hair curling over his head in a dark halo.

He wondered how he could have possibly thought that he could stand to be without Emma beside him, beneath him, astride him, near enough to breathe in her scent and get drunk on her kiss. It would be hell. A lifetime of torture, filled with endless amounts of pain. There would be no relief. There would be nothing. His body would become deaf to the sound of music, numb to the touch of a brush against canvas, blind to all but one.

But Emma.

“Julian,” Emma murmured, the name falling from her lips unbelievably fond. Julian trembled with pleasure at the sound of her voice. Ruined, entirely hers to do with as she pleased.

Emma planted her feet on the cold ground, fingers clinging to Julian’s hair, bringing him closer to call his name once more, lips brushing across his ear. Julian covered her body with his, the ocean in his eyes caught in a raging storm.

He could feel his soul being torn apart simply by looking at her. She unmade him so completely, in pain and in beauty. Julian pressed closer to Emma, body trembling as he bent to touch her neck with his lips. He could smell the ocean in her skin, tainted with the coppery scent of blood. The bite would leave a mark, he suspected, but he was unable to care, lost in a frenzied state as pleasure sliced his body in half.

It was like that night on the beach all over again. But more. Much more. Julian wondered if they could ever be the same after tonight. But how could they? How could they when their souls were being torn at the seams only to be sewn back to one another? A bond stronger than husband and wife. Stronger than family. Stronger than _parabatai._ They were something different altogether. Something _more._

Buried inside Emma, physically and metaphorically, Julian felt little spasms running across his back. He sighed, almost a laugh. His lips found Emma blindly, still sticky with blood. The kiss was savage, merciless. They savored the lingering taste of their combined desire, bitter and desperate.

“I don’t ever want to be separated from you, Emma.” Julian said, nuzzling his nose against the side of her face, breathing in her sweat.

Emma let out a short laugh. Her voice sounded like dozens of small bells.

“Then we shall be stuck together, like this. For always.” Emma mused, closing her eyes as she lost herself in Julian’s body, moving relentlessly against hers.

Their bodies were both covered in sweat and the early dew, the echoes of their whispered voices mingled pleasantly thick in the night air. They couldn’t move. They could barely breathe. Instead, they lingered where they were; fingers lost amongst thick dark curls of hair and legs entwined, slick with sweat.

They were reborn as they touched, a mirror self of one another. Under the stars, their naked bodies reflected their silvery glow, their voices intoned a symphony in the form of a brand new lullaby. It was beautiful and tragic and timeless.

Julian felt his entire body aching with the closeness. He tilted his nose against Emma’s cheek, drawing in a breath that filled his lungs with the sweetness and the warmth of spring. Alive. He felt _alive._

Julian was assaulted by a violent tremor, his body heaving as he exhaled wracked sobs from wet lips. Slender arms curled against the large frame of his shoulders, clinging to his spine with sharp nails. Emma brushed soft lips to Julian’s damp cheeks, swallowing the tears that had fallen from his eyes, water spilling free from the small ocean contained in those Blackthorn eyes.

“I’m here, Julian. I’m not going anywhere without you.” Emma promised, holding Julian tighter in her arms. “Never without you.”

Julian inhaled sharply, the act made it difficult from the strangling constriction of his throat.

“Nowhere, Emma. You won’t go anywhere without me.” Julian’s voice came out muffled from unshed tears and suffocated sobs. “I wouldn’t survive the separation. Do you understand? I would follow you anywhere. And if you were to die, then I would follow you into the dark and the unknown.”

Julian breathed against Emma’s mouth, savoring her taste and committing it to memory.

“I will not die, Julian. And neither will you.” Emma said, resting her fingers to his cheek, tracing the patterns the tears had drawn across pale skin. “The world may perish, entire civilizations may burn and crumble to the ground, Idris may be swallowed whole by a wave of demons, and still we will remain. Together. Untouchable and victorious.”

The words hovered in the air surrounding them, imbued with power. Emma entangled her fingers in Julian’s curls and joined their mouths in a searing kiss, leaving them equally breathless.

“Together.” Julian echoed, struggling to breathe properly. “Always together, even then.”

Finally, his heart began to slow, blood pumping once again in a steady rhythm. Julian settled his head to Emma’s chest, listening to her breathe beneath him.

He closed his eyes, allowing his mind to drift away, lulled by the movements of Emma’s chest; up and down, inhale and exhale. It reminded him of the days when the sun shone bright and the skies were clear and he would float amongst the waves for hours, feeling the sea breeze against his skin and breathing in the salt from the ocean.

He wished he could have that forever.

He wished he could have Emma.

 _You can,_ whispered a voice at the back of his mind. The tone was eerily similar to that of the Seelie Queen, enough to bring a chill down his spine. It spoke again, no more than a gust of wind. _All you have to do is ask…_

Julian knew it couldn’t be as simple as that. There would be a price. There was _always_ a price with the Seelie Queen, only this time he wasn’t sure he was willing to pay for it. A deal with faerie royalty would bring nothing but death and destruction. And yet there was a part of him, born from the darkness that preyed on his soul, that ached with the desire to say yes, even if it meant others would suffer with his actions. He could handle suffering. He could handle the consequences. But he couldn't handle being without Emma.

And yet…

He closed his eyes, sighing deeply. In that moment, it was easy to pretend. Julian had Emma in his arms and imprinted to his soul. Their skin had been knitted together. Their hearts beat as one.

It was beautiful.

It was a fantasy.

Nothing more than a dream that would soon be lost to their memories as the first rays of sunlight illuminated the sky above their heads and with it brought the truth.

But for as long as the night last he could pretend.


End file.
